Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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