he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
