guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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