if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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