I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
