the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
