He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
