I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
