No stitches, just platelets and will power
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
