What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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