I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I want is dick and wine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
