I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
