I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
