Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
