Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
