In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
