My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
