I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
