My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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