my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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