well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
