you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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