Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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