2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
