I want to have your abortion
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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