Got a toothbrush?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
