Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
