Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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