You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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