You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
