Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
