WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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