guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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