She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
