Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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