Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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