Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
