After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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