my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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