If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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