Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
