I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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