I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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