hell yes lets make some ravioli
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
