I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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