I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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