if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
