i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
