what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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