She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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