Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
