PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
