Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
