Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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