I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
