I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
